Hello my dear non-readers!
I say this because I've come to realize that absolutely no one actually reads this blog except for myself and a couple of Chinese spammers who occasionally write lurid comments about Japanese porn in my comments box....no wait...yeah, pretty sure they don't read the blogs either.
But nonetheless these blogs have been a catalogue of my sometimes painful journey to remain inspirational and optimistic while going through a challenging time in my career, like so many others in this economy. But as wiser people once said "It's not what happens to you that matters, it's what you do with it."
Last year when freelance work became scarce and it no longer became practical, I was confronted with the difficult decision to give up my NYC apartment and move home to Long Island. It could have come with the bitter, the angry, ashamed, and looking for someone to blame recession economy syndrome but! as a beautiful example of what the film industry is capable of doing for people, I saw Julie & Julia! got inspired! and decided to empower myself through blogging on a new project! What I didn't know at the time was that the "project" kind of became ...me.
In what started as a potentially disheartening lack of work situation quickly became a momentous opportunity to step back from my career and really focus on developing myself as a filmmaker and entrepreneur. In doing that I think I've actually grown more in the past year than most of my other friends still working their regular 9-5s. And now here I am, finally after a year of my self invented project moving on to Los Angeles, having been accepted to the NYU Tisch Mentorship in LA program that starts July 1st, with so much more to offer than before.
In retrospect, I think the hardest thing about moving home with my Mom was really in accepting it and actually being here. Just because you're not in your own place or working a typical job doesn't mean you're not exactly where you're supposed to be. There's so much you could get out of it! I spent so much time trying to get over there, get a new job, a new place, a new life, really trying to figure out how to not be here that I almost missed out on how being here has actually been a blessing in disguise that has enabled me to:
1) Be my own boss (that'll teach you time management!) revamp my company website and develop a client base for Vibe Artistry Entertainment working as an editor
2) Live at ease without constantly anticipating living expenses (releasing me from an unsustainable cycle that didn't leave room for growth)
3) Work on writing my own creative screenplay (218 pages n countin!!) and submitting it to a Screenplay bank to be seen by producers and agents
4) Focus on producing my short film for festivals by investigating licensing & copyright permissions
5) Recut my short and submit it to over 13 film festivals!! (which earned us an IMDB page for the film!)
6)Buy my own fully capable Mac computer complete with full editing and effects studio software (that's a biggie!)
7) Start my own Blog! (after years of wondering wtf a blog was!), developing my critical film analysis skills with a series of Film Reviews and cataloguing my film career journey as an inspiration to others!!
8)Sign onto a Twitter account so I could finally see what all the tweeting is about
9) Paint and redesign my room, clear out my closets and donate/sell BOXES of old tapes, toys, and childhood memorabilia that was cluttering the house (God that feels good!!)
10)Spend time really present with my family and my cat which catalyzed a lot of behind the scenes healing/restoring of relations
11) Go jogging and get back into shape with the best motivational coach you could ever ask for: my brother's husky dog! (she's a runner!)
12) Travel to San Francisco for the premiere of a film I worked on and explore the Ancient Redwood forest, Haight Ashbury and meet really beautiful new people
13) Reconnect to peace and nature, and realize how truly spectacular is my own backyard
14) Remember what it is to live with people who cook for you (and buy toilet paper without you needing to ask them!)
15) Remember how good it feels to sleep in a clean room and shower in a nice bathroom without worrying about roaches and bugs (Oh the city...)
16) Breathe clean air while doing yoga surrounded by trees (not buildings & smog)
17)Work with and have the support of my spiritual mentors on Long Island
18) Re-acclimate to driving a car again (It'd been a while!)
19) Be in a relationship and enjoy spending more time with friends and social circles (if that's not a gift, I don't know what is!)
20) Catch up on amazing TV and films- including Sicko, Fringe, and True Blood on Demand which is so well written it's inspired my own creative process
21) Spend quality time in the garden planting flowers with my Mom
22) Attend monthly mentorship at Pathways, really becoming a part of that healer community
23) Step back and reflect over time to know that leaving my apartment in NY was the right choice, and the most responsible and empowering choice I could've made
24)Attend all the film industry lecture workshops offered by NYU that I never had a chance to go to before
25) See the place I grew up in with new eyes
26) Take the time to actually process and experience the miracle of how a tree in Fall loosing all its leaves does indeed transform into a tree in Summer, fully bloomed in green foliage
Ok! it wasn't all sunshine and roses..also, half the time I spent cleaning up cat pee off the floor in a gigantic effort to overhaul the cat's room and still obsessively worrying about how to get a proper job or explain my "failures" to relatives if asked So what are you doing now?....but! I still think it's important for anyone to realize, including myself, that if you seem to be stuck in an unfavorable living situation, sometimes there's an opportunity in it for you that you need to explore while you are still there. There's SO MUCH more that you could potentially get out of it than you might realize! But it's up to you to find it. There's a lot to be said for a person who can create their own opportunity and invent their own enterprise when there aren't any out there to be had. And there's a lot to be gained from investing in developing your own creative endeavors. No matter what anybody advises you about that light at the end of the tunnel or tries to emphasize to you, "hang in there, you'll get there!" -that's not really what it's about. It's about being here. Because you truly need to be where you are, before you can get where you're going... Do this and know that the Universe doesn't bring us to places for no reason. This is the magic of transformation.